when i was a little guy

Location: Dorchester, Massachusetts, United States

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The Spider under the Bed

i don't remember when it first appeared. Nor do i remember when it finally went away. [ i think it went away. Maybe i'm fooling myself.] It terrorized my nights for a long time. i had been carefully schooled in going to the bathroom just before bed. The bathroom was next to the Master Bedroom. An unauthorized flush awoke the .... But the prophylactic potty training was to no avail. [i just remembered the rubber sheet era. i'm not ready to open that can of worms.] No matter how i tried, i always had to go in the middle of the night. i waited as long as i could, because i knew it was hiding under the bed. i knew it would reach out with one of it's legs and get me. i would look down. i didn't see anything, but i knew it was there. It was much bigger than an ordinary spider. It's head was the size of a baskerball and it had a lot more than eight legs. i had never seen it, except in my mind's eye.

Eventually, the forces of nature made it imperative. [Did the spider come before or after the rubber sheet era? i don't know. Perhaps it was fear vs. nature, but fear vs. fear?] Anyway, i would make the dash. Sometimes i sat down like a girl even though it was a #1. That was pretty quiet. Eventually i learned how to aim to the side of the bowl. i was a big guy then! But alas the flush. No amount of care made any difference. A flush is a flush is a flush. On the way back, sometimes there was a voice in the dark - sometimes not. i don't remember what was said. But the last part of the trip brought me once again to the edge of the abyss. How would i get back into bed?

i don't know just why, but on one occasion my dad decided to prove to me that there was no spider under the bed. He turned on the light and made me look under the bed. Silly grownup! He didn't know the first law of spider-under-the-bed dynamics. The spider goes away when you turn the light on. And it comes back when you turn the light off.

i don't know how the spider under the bed is related to THE THING IN THE CLOSET, which you probably got from the typography was much worse. i had no picture of it at all. And turning on the light and opening the door ignored the first law of TTITC dynamics. But i see you are ahead of me. Yes there is a connection between these laws. Further, i suspect [but do not know] that they can be grand unified with the law of Things That Go Bump In The Night [which I haven't read].

another guy [ to be determined ]

i think my demons are all about death. It's different now. My what do i do about
Vietnam and the rest of my life acid trip changed me some. i saw the local school building swell up and threaten to eat Andren. i pulled him away and it didn't. But schools do eat children in many ways. And i saw the face of death. It was so horrible it was beautiful. i have a picture of it in my mind - still. So it's not as bad as TTITC. Dad didn't want to talk about it. i think he was afraid.